Saya harus kembali ke dalam lingkaran setan itu
Saat semua kembali ke posisi nya masing-masing dan mendapat tugas untuk menghukum saya..

Lagi, saya harus merasakan perasaan suka itu
Dan lagi lagi saya harus dibodohi perasaan palsu itu
Lagi, saya harus merasakan perasaan sakit itu karena keadaan yang tidak bisa saya ubah
Dan lagi lagi saya hanya bisa diam dan menangis tanpa bisa melakukan apa apa
Lagi, saya harus merasakan berada dalam siklus tanpa ujung yang menyakitkan itu
Dan lagi lagi saya tidak pernah tau cara menskip proses tersebut

Bukankah seharusnya saya tau kalau pada saat proses siklus itu berlangsung, akan ada saat saat seperti ini?
Bukankah seharusnya saya bisa melewatinya dengan mudah kareena saya sudah biasa?
Tapi mengapa saya tetap harus merasakan nya lagi?

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleepin
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no
What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)
Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
(Oh glad your okay now)I
'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad your okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no




Funny song but has a deep meaning for me...when I first listen to this song,I don't know that this song is a broken hearted song..cos it has upbeat and fun music...
But then I'm too curious why the title is breakeven like a Breakeven Point on an economic lesson..
And when I finally see the lyrics,I'm amazed..how could they connect love and economic things?hahahahaha
So here's some explanation, BEP means BreakEven Point, where Profit = Capital, so you have no profit in return or in indonesian, 'balik modal,tanpa untung'
And it IS true,that when a heart breaks,while one still in love and the other leaving,there IS NO breakeven, cos what all you got is only heartbreak and your capital not even got returned!cos when a heart breaks really had a breakeven point,it would never that hard to heal a broken hearted feeling...it would be so much more easier..

Hidup memang terkadang terasa tidak pernah adil..saat semua orang boleh memilih apa yang mereka inginkan,saya tidak mendapat kesempatan itu...
Hidup memang terkadang terasa membosankan..saat semua orang bisa melakukan apa yang mereka inginkan,saya tidak mendapat kesempatan itu...
Hidup memang terkadang terasa hambar..saat semua orang bisa mencintai dan memilih kepada siapa hatinya berlabuh,saya tidak mendapat kesempatan itu...

Saya harus menjalani apa yang orang lain tentukan
Saya harus melakukan apa yang orang lain mau
Saya bahkan harus mencintai orang yang sama sekali tidak saya cintai

Sekarang waktu terasa mulai menghimpit
Tidak ada jalan yang bisa saya pilih
Tidak ada waktu untuk melakukan kegiatan yang saya mau
Tidak ada kesempatan yang diberikan untuk setidaknya menunjukkan bahwa orang yang saya pilih adalah sama baiknya dan merupakan orang yang saya cintai

Bisakah saya menyesal?
Tidak, saya tidak menyesal, karena jalan yang saya pilih adalah untuk berbakti
Tidak, saya juga tidak menyesal, karena waktu yang telah berlalu saya pakai untuk membantu
Tapi apakah saya harus menghabiskan sisa hidup saya dengan orang yang sama sekali tidak saya cintai dengan alasan yang sama?
Akankah saya menyesal?

Tidak?
Ya?

Semua nya terasa sangat menyesakkan dada
Saat seseorang yang telah saya pilih meninggalkan saya pada saat dia tau saya sangat membutuhkan dia
Saat apa yang saya lakukan tidak pernah dianggap benar
Saat saya dituntut mencintai seseorang lain pada saat hati saya hanya ada untuk orang yang pergi tadi

Siapa yang salah?
Saya?
Dia?
Beliau?
Mereka?
Keadaan?

Tidak ada yang bisa saya salahkan...
Hanya saja 'kalau-kalau' itu terus bergeming d kepala saya

'Kalau saja beliau tidak pergi meninggalkan kami..'
'Kalau saja beliau yang lain tidak tenggelam dalam trauma nya...'
'Kalau saja beliau yang lain memiliki pemikiran yang lebih terbuka..'
'Kalau saja beliau yang lain tidak perlu percaya ramalan dan percaya pada apa yang dipilih kami...'
'Kalau saja dia bisa mencintai saya dan tidak meninggalkan saya...'
'Kalau saja mereka tidak ikut campur semua masalah saya..'







'Kalau saja saya bisa memiliki hidup saya sendiri...'

Nandaka anata no KOTO omoidasu no mottai nai yo
Atashi dake no mono ni shite okitai kara
Nandaka anata no KOTO omoidasu no ya da yo
Datte hitori de niyakete hazukashii yo
Tetsuya de kaette kite tsukareteru no ni dakko shite kurete
Yume no naka ni itemo wakatta yo
*Anata ga koishikute koishikute
kore ijou doushiyou mo nakute
anata ga koishikute koishikute*
zutto zutto daisuki da yo
Shitteta? ano yoru ni ne futari de DORAIBU ni itta toki
BAIKU no ushiro zaseki de negatta KOTO
Shitteta? ano yoru ni ne futari de miageta hoshizora ni
Anata to atashi no shiawase ga mieta yo
Tatta hitotsu no korogatteta atashi wo
Kirei ni shite kurete itsu datte sasaete kureta
Anata ga koishikute koishikute
Kore ijou hanaretaku nai yo
Anata ga koishikute koishikute
Zutto zutto daisuki da yo



*miss you bcefghjklmopqstuvwxz*

how i wish
live in some world where i have an on-off button that can be manage by myself..
so that when i'm just too tired to walk through this life i just push off button and *wuzz* i would disappear and move to somewhere else where i can rest for a while...

how i wish
i could live in a world where i can choose my availability like a messenger..
i would choose 'appear offline' when i'm just too tired to socialize and need to be alone and only want to share things with person i want to and no one knows what actually happen to me cos they can't see me..

how i wish
i have my own world
my own choices
my own love
my privacy
and my own life..

but it's only on my wish...

*sigh*

am just too tired doing things in this life..it's not like i wanna die or something but everything really messed me up and when i realized i just end up at nowhere doing nothing as what i want..
i always think that i can be a great auditor or some kind like business woman wearing those suits,heels,and everything..but as time goes by, my heart just not into it and lead me to here,where i cant even have my freedom to speak or have my own choices to have my own life..
and now it's all too late,im 23 and my mom pushed me to get married or maybe just have a guy who will ready to marry me in next 2 years,and she's the one who choose the guy,not me! what the hell?this is my life and why should i have the guy to be lived with in my entire life be choosen with other people??!!
i hate every forecasts, i hate when they say that i wont be able to make my own money, i hate when they said that i cant choose my own husband, and i hate when they start to control my life..
for God sake, am just too tired with this things..can i have some days or months off?just have a long deep sleep while everything be handled with my other personality which is more powerful than my personality now, and i just have to read the 'report' and wake when everything turns great..
gosh,..

You once said to me that you're afraid if I leave you first..
But now,you're the one who leave..
You once said I make your day so much more colorful and don't wanna lose the feeling...
But now,you're the one who took away all my color..
You once said that those feeling is so true for you,and you want me to believe it is true from your heart...
But now you really make me believe that it was all my stupidity to believe,and even to ever love you..

Why you have to this?