it's feel like ages i havent write in my blog again..i have a busy life nowdays..begin my own business while i still have a responsibility to mom's business..it's fun i guess..haveing some job and make some money, afford your own life without ask some money to ur parents anymore. and i thank God for giving me this job. :)

and now what i'm gonna write this time is about marriage. oh bfore that, i'n sorry if i have a bad -very bad maybe- english. but who cares? i still understand what i wrote..hahaha..
marriage. seriously, it makes me feel OLD. doesn't mean i dont wanna get married, i really want to. more, it's one of many phases that i've been waiting all this time. but with those term and condition thing given by my mom, getting married isn't that easy to imagine for me anymore. she tried to 'matchmaking' me with that fat old fashioned guy WHICH i dont even like. ok, i've TRIED to talk to him first. cause my friend said to me that why dont i give him the same chance like i always give to the other guy? so there, i tried to talk to him, but no respone, it's me who always be the first-person-talking, topic-researcher and so on. in short, HE'S BORING. and i dont have any chemistry at all.
i know, maybe i look like a lil bit old fashioned which think that i should have a chemistry bfore i start to have a relationship, but can u ever imagine? when u have to get married with a guy that u dont even know at all, and even have to sleep with him? even when i wrote this i get queasy.
and finally, my mom give up. *yeaayy!* but still, she always talk just like i already have all those white-hair in my head and wrinkle in my face, she said that i'm getting older and have to find a man that is bla bla bla.. i mean, mom you just make it even harder for me to find my mr.right, if you still stubborn with all that rules that dont even allow me to know a new guy!

and a question popped up in my head this morning is, WILL I EVER GET MARRIED?
and i scared me. so much.
i met my friend which was telling me that she will be married in next year. more facts, almost all of my girlfriends are already have boyfriends. and i feel like i'm alone. *yeah, melancholic me* and my mom doesnt help me at all facing through this. everytime i tell a story about my friend is getting married, she's just said like, "so have you realized?that you should get a man too?and you just too stupid to ignore that man i've choose for you bfore.." and bla bla bla she starts preaching again about how you should choose a husband. for god sake mom, I KNOW THE RULE. i mean, ur rule. you've been telling me all those rule thousands times since i was in highschool.

and i feel more hopeless when that question suddenly popped up in my head. i know this is not a serious problem for some people, but it does for me, while everyone in my big family always ask the same thing and preaching the same rule to me everytime we meet. really exhausting. can i just have my own life and lived it with my own rule? i know enough which is good or bad. i'm 23, TWENTY-FUCKING-THREE. why cant i even choose a man who will i spend my life with?

i'm getting paranoid nowdays. everytime i know a guy -and getting closer-, what popped up in my head is, 'ok, i guess mom wont allow me to have a relationship with him. so goodbye.' and that's it. i leave him. it's kinda frustated me. when will i have my mr. right then if i keep doing this all the time? and what's so stupid is, i even too lazy to ask my mom can i getting know each other closer with this guy or not, because i'm just so enough to heard all those preach again and again everytime i choose a guy myself.

ok. writing doesnt make me feel better this time. the question still haunting me.

WILL I EVER GET MARRIED?

*sigh*