lately, i almost have no time even just wrote my own thought, or having my me time. ok i admit that sometimes it accused by my laziness. but i kinda tired. i miss when everything feels so easy to me. i miss my childhood. i miss my dad. i miss everything my family used to shared together. but what can i do? everything change. and yes i know, it is for our own best. i accept all the situation. i know i have to and i can go through all this situation. i just missed it. that's all.

i become an introvert person now -well ok not that introvert, but i guess i'm not that open again to others- . i feel more comfortable when i keep all my stories with me. i just talk with my thought and my heart before i go to sleep. i admit i miss the time i could share some stories with my friends. but after what had happened, and what that called-best-friend-person did to me, i choose to keep the stories myself. i miss everything we was shared before. but hey again, everything change. at first maybe i can't accept it. and i know it is the time for me to walk alone. choosing my own path. and leave that glamorous live. i can't live like that again. i don't want to spent my money too much just for having fun. and now i'm proud of being me. maybe i still can't buy that expensive thing for my mom. but at least my mom shouldn't have to give me some money again. i help her without any salary. and yet i still get money from the dress i sold or from the wedding organizer job and help my mom to buy little thing for me or my sister. sometimes i invite mom for having a dinner here or there and i pay for her. that's all the best i can do for her now.

i hate the changes that force me to do everything alone. but i love my life now. :)