about faith and miracle.
i've always wanted to write about this. i was born by miracle. my mom told me that since early month of the pregnancy the doctor said that i was just wait to be killed because of some reason, my mom just wait till the pregnancy entered the sixth month and mom will be curetted and i will never see this world and born in this family. since the first month, the pregnancy was never went smooth. bleeding, leak of fetal membrane and so on. too many things that stressed out my mom during the pregnancy.
and the first miracle of my life was happened. at the sixth month the leak of fetal membrane is stop. and my mom's womb is became stronger to hold me and made my mom can continue the pregnancy. that's the miracle. God has give the chance for me to see the world.
entering the ninth month, some problem accured. my mom can't give a birth for me because the womb was too strong. and the parturition is became so hard. but still, mom can give a birth with the normal process. the miracle was happened.
and now i know, i'm a miracle. well, every children is a miracle. but for me, being in this family and have a mom like my mom is truly a miracle. mom always told me about the story of her pregnancy of me and it grows some thought in my mind. am i good daughter for my mom? if the pregnancy was that hard, have i done something to make my mom happy? is my life equal to the pregnancy process?
and i know, the answer is a big NO.
something that i learnt from my mom is FAITH. my mom is the only person i know that has a big faith. what had happened to my family is not an easy problem to go through with a women as a wife and a single mother that being left with 4 kids that still need a huge expense and even a more huge attention. i met a man, he's my father's friend, and he told me that the first thing i have to remember and care about is my mom. he said that my mom is the strongest woman he knew and he know that even his wife wouldn't be able to do every single little thing my mom did.
that doesn't mean that my mom is a wonder woman who has never cry or being hurt. i can told you that my mom is the most hurted person in this family. my mom told me that she was already go through that black period. she cried every night and in the morning she still did everything alone. and the others are not that kind. they insult my mom and my family. they blame my mom for what had happened to our family.
it's true that when you can even take the pain and you fell on your knees and your face bent, it's the right position to start praying and resigned to God. and that's what my mom did. and it's true when God's promise is fulfilled no one can ever change that. i feel God's miracle.
to have a faith like my mom had is never easy. i never had any faith about everything. i thought everything is just a miracle. some just about chance and so and so. and now, after i spent more time with my mom, i know that it's a faith. having a faith is the most gifted thing in my life. you don't have to worry about anything. because you know when you already did the right thing in His ways, you don't have to worry about your life. God has a control in it. i still learn about having a little faith and still do some mistake, i still disappointing my mom and many wrong thing. but i want to have a faith that my mom had teach me.
i'm thanking God to give me mom and let me born in this family where i can learn about faith.
thank you mom. i love you.