sounds of my heart.

alone.

Monday, February 27, 201213:32

alone.

one word that i love and i hate. i need my time to be alone sometimes and i love to spent my time alone in my room whenever i'm at home.

but this word would be the condition i hate the most when it comes to the term where i'm the one that left behind. alone.

so my lil sist has grown up. -well yes she is. she's 23 years old this year- and she got a man. a serious one. i'm so happy for her. so happy. but then i feel the emptyness when it comes the time she spent almost every weekend go with this man. and almost everytime when we spent this tea time with mom at home i found her bbm-ing, like non stop. it's just like God wants me and mom prepared ourselves to set my lil sister free and has her own life soon.

and yes, it's the sad part here.

*oh shit i almost shed a tear when i wrote this.*

but however, i'm so happy for her. find her right one. get the permission. and i know she will have a happily ever after life.

and mom doesn't help at all when she always said that i will find mine too whenever we talk about my sister. i know mom. just don't make it as a big deal. i'm doing fine here. it's not like i have to have a boyfriend too when my sister does.

and please stop making it worse by remind me that almost all my friends are getting married or engaged this year. don't put that face everytime i told you a happy story about my friends that getting married and engaged.

because somehow it hurts me more. to realize that i'm THAT alone.

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...speechless

Friday, February 24, 201219:10

So this morning I cry. A lot. Ok maybe I'm a truly drama queen. But who won't cry if she saw her eye shadow palette broke while she was in the shower? My brother walk and I don't know how, he fell and grab my palette that was on the desk and voila! The pallets fell down with him. I came out from the bathroom and found out my mess up palette and nothing I can do except crying. I have a makeup job tomorrow and my palette broke. Am I allowed to cry? And what makes it worse was my mom mad to me because she thinks it's my fault to put my make up kit there. And I cry, like, a lot. My eyes even a bit swollen now. Haha.I apologize to my brother because I scream at him. I feel guilty because I know he didn't do that on purpose so it isn't all his fault. And I still feel guilty to him and my entire family's morning. I've ruined it by cry just because the broken palette. How stupid. :(

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try

Saturday, February 04, 201213:10

so last week my friend bbm me and said she had a friend that want to know me. and i was like, "ok. let's give him a shot. let's see how long would he keep the effort."

*ganti bhs indonesia aja, agak bego inggrisnya soalnya.*
awal-awal sih langsung ilfil sejak 2 hari pertama. he's the type i hate the most. gamer. duh, knp hrs gamer gituuu... trs bbnya ilang, ktnya gara-gara dia lg mabok trs bbnya dicopet. ok. the type my mom wont ever like.
tapi lewat sehari dan ngobrol-ngobrol lagi, he is ok. gua kira tipe drunker gitu, ternyata setelah dselidiki sm tmn gua dia cm minum kl special occasion aja. dan sialnya malah gua yg jd penasaran sm nih orang. hahaha. he's a religious one. he starts the day with pray and end it up with pray too. i like that.
tapi, ini baru seminggu. no, i don't expect anything from him. i like him for being a friend. we don't have same interest. dia ga suka film horor, gua suka. gua benci game online, dia doyan banget. so i guess it's just too early to ask where the relationship will go. i'm having fun now and that's enough.
belum, saya masih menolak buat ketemuan. gatau kenapa. cuma dari dulu kl diajak ketemuan sm stranger gitu bawaannya grogi. tadi aja skypean rada garing. hahaha. i'm a not-face-to-face person mungkin.

udah sih gitu doang. garing yah blog gua. hahaha. yg pasti saya senang punya teman baru. :)

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welcome 2012. welcome all the wedding invitation.

12:56

so, now we've entered the 2012. it's february already. and the wedding invitation starts 'haunting' me. haha. no, it's not that a wedding invitation feels scary for me, but it means, "HEY, WAKE UP GIRL. YOU'RE HEADING YOUR 25 AND DON'T YOU SEE ALMOST AL OF YOUR FRIENDS IS GETTING MARRIED?"
ok. i'm not in a rush for getting a husband or something. i just want the right person. but sometimes it's bother me when it comes the family gathering time. those question.
i'm so happy for my friends. two or three of them is waiting for the baby. some of them waiting for the wedding day. some wait for the engagement. me? i'm not waiting for anything but being invited to the wedding, attend the wedding, and what? nothing. i'm not waiting anything.
what? a right man? i guess i'm just too tired for waiting him. i'm just enjoying my sewing time and dress making for now.
yes, a guy come and go and still no one had impress me. it's not like i'm make a high standard or somekind like that. it's just he doesn't impress me much. he doesn't fit me. he doesn't make any effort. and so on. so it always end up i lost the feeling. pathetic me, i know. maybe i just lost the sense of loving someone.
haha.

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