Do they even care to ask me am I agree or not?
I guess NO.
Here I am. The forgotten one.

Do you know how it feel not too comfortable when you're in your own home?
I felt it. A lot.
It's like everything is about my sister and her soon-to-be boyfriend and everyone is look at me as the poor one. The one that waste the golden chance by refuse to be with the mr. old-fat-f*ing-right-man.
I know it's just about time. 'Till the day I heard that I'll be the one that is left. The day when some of my family would ask, "is it okay if my lil sister married first, before me?"
To be honest, NO, I DON'T WANT TO. I hate that.
But what can I do?
How bad am I as a sister if I blocked the happiness of her, my own lil sister?
I know I would be the worst sister ever.
But to be honest, yes, it does hurt me. I don't know why, but it's hurt. That's all. And because I don't have any good reasons, then I have no rights to say no.
I hate it when everytime I told mom about my friends she always said, that I'll find my soulmate soon. That's not what I wanna hear.
I hate it when my mom keep ask my opinion about my sister's soon-to-be boyfriend. It's not that I don't want give any opinion. I'm just sick of how my mom worrying my sister while here, my heart is struggling but she doesn't even understand.
I hate it everytime my mom said that I used to be with that fat man.
I hate it when she said that I should regret it, admit that I'm wrong because I've wasted that chance, by the time I admit it, I can get another man.
It's not that I don't want to admit that I choose the wrong decision. I knew, I'm not choose the wrong decision. Because I know that fat man is not even like me. He like my sister. But why can't everybody sees that and keep telling me that I made such a stupid decision? Why?
I'm getting sick of this.
I hate it so much.
And for most, I hate being me. So much.

God has a funny way to get my ass out from my comfort zone. One of my best friends is going to study aboard to japan. The one that I always be with everytime we have a gathering time with the college friends. And she finally found her soulmate-to-be. And yes, again, I feel like I was left behind struggle alone for everything.
And yet, mom still looks me in a pathetic way. The moment I told her that my friend's boarding time has approved, all she can say was only, "don't worry dear, you will meet your future boyfriend too." I don't know which part of that sentence refered to the study aboard thingy.
And yes, the moment my mom said that was the moment I walked to my room and burst into tears and I don't understand why I have to cry.
Pathetic me.