Well yes, im still that negative thinking person with a lot of negative posts.
Ga tau kenapa tapi beberapa bulan terahir ini mulai ga kenal sama diri sendiri. Mulai benci sama apapun yg gua lakuin. Most of all, i hate being me.
I keep thinking tons and tons negative things of my life. Yg sudah terjadi dan yang mungkin akan terjadi. And i dont think this is because that pms mood.
Di satu titik, i just feel useles, for everyone. Semua yang gua kerjain ga ada yg bener. Eventhough i had did it the way they want. Nothing's right. Everything's wrong. So damn wrong. Always.
I was born to be wrong. Haha.
And i hate the way mom always try to get me 'a man of my life'. Cape.
Kalo gua crt k 1 ato 2 org tmn gua they just said, "gila, ga bosen yah mama lu ngjodo2in lu" and yet, im still that stubborn. Gua pikir, gua ga bisa lah maksain juga buat suka sm org yg dr first impression nya aja udh bikin ilfil.
I mean, can you ever imagine it? Hidup sama orang yg ga terlalu lu suka. Cinta nanti bisa tumbuh dgn sendirinya gitu? It just a bullshit for me. Gua bukan orang tipe macem gitu.
And it hurts me mom, tiap ketemu orang mama slalu bilang, "iya nih yg ini mah anaknya belom laku, sok atuh kenalin sm siapa kl ada kenalan mah.."
It HURTS me mom. A lot.
Emg sih konteksnya bercanda. Tapi kan ya ga harus gitu jg ngomongnya.
And she always complaining whenever i get a wedding invitation. Ma, all of my friends that getting married udh pacaram bertahun2. While me? You dont even gave me the excuse buat deket sama cowo semasa itu. Kenapa sekarang harus gua yg ada d posisi salah?
Gua tau, mama cm mau yang terbaik buat gua. Tapi kenapa gua ga bisa punya ruang sendiri buat hal ini?

I dont know what i really wrote here.
I just hate being me.